Getting a divorce is a major decision and one that should not be taken lightly. If you feel like your marriage is on the rocks and you are unsure if it is time to call it quits, there are some questions you should ask yourself to help evaluate the situation and know for certain if divorce is the right path for you to take.
Wondering how to know when divorce is the right decision? Ask yourself these questions:
- Do I still have feelings for my spouse?
- Was our marriage valid and legal?
- Am I actually ready for a divorce?
- Am I sincere, or is this an emotional reaction?
- Why do I want a divorce?
- Can I handle the consequences of a divorce?
How to Know if Divorce Is the Right Decision
Let's go into detail about each of these questions and factors of figuring out if divorce is the right decision:
- Do you still have feelings for your spouse? It is not uncommon for spouses who want a divorce to admit to still having strong feelings for their spouse. Unfortunately, as a result of other struggles in the marriage, some relationships suffer from a lack of intimacy. If this is happening in your marriage, it might be best to work on your relationship before you decide to divorce your spouse. You might end up feeling overwhelmed by the loss of your partner and feel worse off than before if you go through with a divorce without attempting to work on the marriage first. However, if the feelings are no longer there, getting a divorce might very well be the answer.
- Were you ever truly married? Sure, you were married on paper, but did you ever really create a relationship that felt like you were sharing your lives with one another? Did you ever create a “we” in your relationship or did it feel more like two individuals meeting their own needs and leading separate lives? No one is suggesting that co-dependency is the way to go, but if you feel single in your marriage, something is probably amiss.
- Are you actually ready for a divorce? We say a lot of things out of anger and, in the heat of an argument, you might threaten something as serious as divorce, but you might not actually mean it. Ask yourself if you are only talking about divorce because you want your partner to change or you are hoping to gain control or power over your spouse to make him or her see things your way. Divorce should not be used as a ploy to enforce change and, ultimately, you will lose credibility with yourself and your partner if you continue to use it as a threat.
- Is it sincere or emotionally reactive? Just as one can make threats of a divorce in the heat of an angry moment, it is also common for spouses to make emotionally reactive decisions. Decisions that are emotionally charged do not last and, if you happen to act on them, they will not solve the actual problems you are trying to address. Those who divorce for emotionally-charged reasons are likely to still feel overwhelmed by those feelings even after the divorce. When making the decision to divorce, it is important to base it off self-awareness rather than what you are feeling at that moment.
- Why do you want a divorce? Do you know why you want a divorce? Divorce will only do one thing – end your marriage and free both you and your spouse to make attachments to new partners if that is your wish. If you are not ready for your marriage to end, then talking about divorce now is foolish. Talking about it is not going to change your partner, so if that is what you are after, divorce is not the answer.
- Can you handle the consequences of your divorce? Divorce brings on some big changes and some of the immediate effects are going to be unpleasant, but worth working through if you are truly ready to end your marriage and desire a fresh start. You might experience disappointment, loneliness, failure, and hurt, even if you are the one who is initiating the divorce. This does not mean that divorce is the wrong decision, but you should understand that it can be a difficult experience and it is important to be prepared to handle the consequences.
Ultimately, you need to make sure your decision for a divorce is not based on an emotional whim. It needs to be a decision that is thoughtfully made to ensure you do not end up experiencing regret later on.
Get in Touch with Friedman & Friedman PLLC
If you and your spouse are unable to make your marriage work, you need to seek skilled legal representation as soon as possible to ensure the process goes smoothly and your interests are protected. At Friedman & Friedman PLLC, we are backed by decades of legal experience that we will use to your advantage. No matter how complex your situation might be, you can rely on our knowledge, insight, and compassion to help you effectively navigate your divorce.
Get started today and reach out to our law office at (516) 688-0088 to request a consultation with one of our attorneys.